Friday, August 10, 2012

Oprah, A Cat And I

Some time ago, from a position of great spiritual awareness and inner poise, and conviction that I'm a woman of substance and that the bright future I've been dreaming about since I was a kid is actually going to happen one day, I got an email from Oprah and OWN.  Hah!

Okay, so a million other people also got one, still it's something, isn't it, and for a few seconds I basked in the fantasy that it was personal.  Why not?  A woman's got to dream.  Oprah sends out mail asking questions, and the question du jour was "what brought about change in your life?"  Aha!  Ahahahahahah!  I've got an answer for that one, I thought, it's tailor made for me.
At last, it's my turn to be noticed by Oprah Winfrey.  She's going to get my reply and the next thing there'll be a knock on my door and she'll be standing there with the cameras.  Or else Gail will be, and she'll have a plane ticket to Chicago.  Whoopee!  I like Gail.

Imagine my excitement when I saw Oprah was also looking to discover somebody.  I thought the two were connected.  Definitely my stars were aligned, this was my moment.  "YOU SEE!!!  I TOLD YOU IT COULD HAPPEN FOR ME!", I shouted to the world and nobody in particular.  My landlady's cat, asleep on a chair, opened one eye and contemplated me through it.

I felt like a kid in class who had the answer.  I know what made me change.  First of all I've known I needed to change since I was pretty young, just didn't know how to.  Longed to, though.  Then, my life became a bit of a mess actually as I tried to make all my dreams come true but fell flat on my face.  Then to top it all I went bankrupt!   Nothing like a good hefty crisis or ten of them to bring about that change.

That's pretty exciting isn't it?  It is to me.  So in 1500 words I told the story of my Adventurous Life so far.  Yes, yes yes!!!   I was sure to be discovered by Oprah.  God, the universe and I were  all aligned in conspiring to create that brilliant future for me in real time.  My blog, Stepping out of History, will become world famous, my scripts, bio, novel and e-book will sell millions of copies and be New York Times best seller and life will be roses and I'll meet – okay, I'm going to stop now.

Then I noticed that the story about your change was different to the person Oprah was looking to discover.  Oh.  And you have to have a big personality for her to be interested.

Oh. 


Some time ago, from a position of great spiritual awareness and inner poise, and conviction that I'm a woman of substance and that the bright future I've been dreaming about since I was a kid is actually going to happen one day, I got an email from Oprah and OWN.  Hah!

Okay, so a million other people also got one, still it's something, isn't it, and for a few seconds I basked in the fantasy that it was personal.  Why not?  A woman's got to dream.  Oprah sends out mail asking questions, and the question du jour was "what brought about change in your life?"  Aha!  Ahahahahahah!  I've got an answer for that one, I thought, it's tailor made for me.
At last, it's my turn to be noticed by Oprah Winfrey.  She's going to get my reply and the next thing there'll be a knock on my door and she'll be standing there with the cameras.  Or else Gail will be, and she'll have a plane ticket to Chicago.  Whoopee!  I like Gail.

Imagine my excitement when I saw Oprah was also looking to discover somebody.  I thought the two were connected.  Definitely my stars were aligned, this was my moment.  "YOU SEE!!!  I TOLD YOU IT COULD HAPPEN FOR ME!", I shouted to the world and nobody in particular.  My landlady's cat, asleep on a chair, opened one eye and contemplated me through it.

I felt like a kid in class who had the answer.  I know what made me change.  First of all I've known I needed to change since I was pretty young, just didn't know how to.  Longed to, though.  Then, my life became a bit of a mess actually as I tried to make all my dreams come true but fell flat on my face.  Then to top it all I went bankrupt!   Nothing like a good hefty crisis or ten of them to bring about that change.

That's pretty exciting isn't it?  It is to me.  So in 1500 words I told the story of my Adventurous Life so far.  Yes, yes yes!!!   I was sure to be discovered by Oprah.  God, the universe and I were  all aligned in conspiring to create that brilliant future for me in real time.  My blog, Stepping out of History, will become world famous, my scripts, bio, novel and e-book will sell millions of copies and be New York Times best seller and life will be roses and I'll meet – okay, I'm going to stop now.

Then I noticed that the story about your change was different to the person Oprah was looking to discover.  Oh.  And you have to have a big personality for her to be interested.

Oh.
Blast.

CRASH!!  I'm not woman of substance after all, am just mousy, unfunny, unoriginal wishful thinking loser.  I'll never be good enough to make it into Oprah's club of Important People who've really made it.   Oprah would look at me and say "you?  I don't think so."   That's if she ever looked at me, which she never would, of course.

I hate the universe and god and my mother’s brother’s cousin’s aunt.  I hate the title of my old Wordpress blog Stepping Out Of History.  I haven't stepped out of history, hate history, hate stepping.  Wish the cat would stop staring at me.






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